Leadership

In order to make leadership development work in a kid, you need three things as a man (manhood is what matters here in the final analysis - coaching is what a man does)

Humility
Clarity of message
Passion

Simply put, leadership cannot be "coached." It must be modeled, demonstrated, walked out, and then it must be appealing. You have to create an environment that young men want to follow.

The fact of the matter is, leadership has no starting point, and no ending point. It is an inescapable fact of life - right now. We are leading. We may be doing it poorly, we may be doing it well, but make no mistake, leadership happens. To suggest to an athlete that he "start" leading, or "stop" being quiet and reserved is brain damage to them. It is who they are.

Leadership is inspired through example more than education. The example is informed by education, but education without example is pointless drivel.

I have found out the hard way that the best method to affect leadership in younger men isn't to work harder on the message, but on the man leading. I need to seek to understand where my leadership is failing and to, with God's help, work through it so I don't hinder others from their pursuit of excellence. It isn't so much about what I tell them they need to do, but how I come alongside and serve them as men themselves. By showing respect to them, drawing them out, seeking their input, treating them as growing equals, I accelerate the process toward long term change, but the problem isn't them, it's my pride.

I know this seems a little backwards, but follow the logic. Think about the people who have led you in the past. Did it appear that they were "trying" to lead you? No, they just did. They fought through their own selfishness and pride, and lived their lives in front of you in a manner that in some fashion inspired you. When you were with them, you didn't feel like you were being led. They served you, and in that process, they made you feel important, signficant, and valuable to them. Now, there was certainly instruction, but it was input that never left you feeling less, but rather it seemed simple and easy to do. I know for me, it almost felt elementary what they would have me do. At times, I found myself thinking that they were actually beneath me, that I had the superior intellect, and that I was better in some strange way. The truth was, they were beneath me, holding me up, serving me, and making me believe what I never thought I could. They were believing in me, until I believed what I couldn't see myself, and when I finally saw it. They just smiled and moved on saying, now, you go do it for someone else. And I am left reeling from the respect and gratefulness I feel for those incredibly kind men who led me - by serving me, even when I didn't deserve it.

Actually, I would probably bet that you were more inspired by how they themselves handled adversity and still led, than from all the speeches they gave combined.

Leadership isn't a heart throbbing, adrenaline filled, series of rants, speeches, and coaching up football players on a field, it is your life lived in front of a very astute and observant bunch of young men who can see through every false front to the genuineness of the core. They would never say what they really think about you to your face out of respect, or just plain fear, but their actions, and responses towards you and your staff are a reflection of how effective the leadership you are bringing is.

I have 3 teenage sons, and honestly, I am getting my backside kicked right now, as I observe the mirror like reflection of my failures and weaknesses in them. It is painful, and quite frankly, embarrassing to me. I know it is just the pride talking, but I really believed in some fashion, that strength of speech, could make up for weakness of character - I was wrong.

I have learned that projecting leadership where there is none, is probably the worst kind. In other words, "do as I say, not as I do" leadership. This is where I will present my self as the "model" for what I am correcting others about self righteously. This is why my rants on the board are so dangerous to real leadership. There is nothing wrong with speaking the truth, but in the absence of some measure of humility in the speech, and a desire to communicate the hope of change, it becomes bitterness to the hearer - a condemnation. This is what I see a lot of coaching becoming today.

Coaches feel, in some sense, that they are the masters of their domain, and possess a "do no wrong" mentality in their effort. They have genuinely convinced themselves that parents are always the problem, and that kids are basically stupid. They get this way through isolation from input to their character on a regular basis, and by adding a little bit of success to the mix, you get the first stages of a monster.

The worst part about this situation, is that apart from an act of God, the coach cannot see what he has become - he only sees himself as a "victim" of some vast conspiracy of parents and administration to oust him from his lofty perch. When really all they are looking for is for the coach to "love" their kid, be fair and honest, and make them a better man.

Contrary to popular belief, and I experienced some this as a parent this past season, not all parents think their kid is a future all star. Truth be told, most parents really don't have the "high" estimation of their sons as you see the few that seem to rule the booster clubs in this country. I understand there are those who just swing the pendulum of stupidity to all new levels, but that often leads immature coaches to sweeping generalization and compartmentalization of all parents. For the failure of a few, they write off the whole as uninformed and useless. This is incredibly irresponsible and immature, but it happens all the time in schools everywhere. Why, because the coach lacks the things I started with as a man - Humility, Clarity of message, and passion.

When you see a kid, who has the "IT" as Mike calls it, that is fun because that athlete has been led by someone before you got them.

Like finding things that are wrong is easy, picking out the "IT" guys is easy too, but that wasn't the question jblair is asking - How do you build them? That was the question.

I think changing the QBs mechanics of the Pros is easier than what I am discussing now, and I think it is irresponsible to assume otherwise.

Leadership development is not an exact formula, because each person we seek to make a leader is different, and needs different things. However, there are things that are common to leadership development, that must be employed, but what I am finding is that the common leadership development attributes are not deliverable through a speech, or the written word. They are not accessible on the internet, nor are they available on ebay. They are not software programs to be installed like Windows and the kid can operate in complicated situations.

Actually, in order for leadership to impact the led, the greater work must be done in the heart of him who is leading. You cannot export something you don't have. If you have not been led effectively by others, you cannot lead effectively. I am talking about living as one under authority, not as one in authority. That starting point in a developing leader is mission critical. If I am in charge, I must make myself accountable to other leaders in my life as a man who excel in ways I do not, so that I am "in effect" under authority - submitted. This is the step that allows the three things I mentioned to grow in me, whereas, the absence of that accountability leaves me rudderless and frustrated by my own ignorance as to why people won't do what I ask. I am frustrated because I am not seeing what is failing in my character to encourage this unresponsiveness in others.

So, as one "under authority", I can begin to work through how I can serve more effectively as a leader in these 3 ways...

Humility is leadership's fuel. The endless supply of God given awareness of your own propensity to failure, weakness, and selfishness. This awareness measures a man, making him approachable, reasonable, and touchable.

Clarity of message is the integrity of leadership. The truth is not optional in seeking to lead others. In the wrong heart it is wielded with words like a sword that cuts others, but in the right heart it is a scalpel of compassion that serves to cut away the damaged tissue of another's heart, without cutting the person. And it takes the rock solid skill of a surgeon to stay on message, without cutting too much. In other words, you speak the truth in love, but only when absolutely necessary, and in a context that serves to encourage a man, not berate him in front of others -EVEN IF HE DESERVES TO BE TAKEN DOWN IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

Passion is the will to finish leadership. Passion is leadership's clearest attribute in the leader. It can be observed most easily, and is the non-negotiable to genuine leadership. The problem is that we really don't understand what it means. Passion's latin root - is Passio - meaning - "to suffer". It carries a religious tone, in that in the first century is was associated with the suffering of Christ for his followers, hence the beginning of passion's association with love.(ie. The Passion of the Christ) Christ loved, therefore he suffered for men. Without preaching here, I am merely seeking to point out that we would be hard pressed to find a better example of passion's true essence forming a question that everyone who desires to be a leader must answer -

What are you willing to suffer for those you claim to love?

Are you willing to do what others are not, to make another person successful. This is why coaching still carries a measure of purity for us. It is true suffering at times. We are trying to love others who try our will to its absolute core - and the fact that they aren't our kids makes it even harder because you observe parents who lack any real passion for their kids themselves. So we are continually asked, Are you okay with the fact that you may be the only person willing to suffer for this kid's immediate future? Do you love them enough to go deep with them, one more time? Even if they never thank you?

That is Passion. Not yelling at players, lording over them with some strange power trip, but rather fighting through the fear of being rejected in your efforts to reach out to them. Disregarding the absolute disrespect and venom that rears its head against every attempt to genuinely help them. Being willing to be thought less of through speaking the truth with compassion about their need to change and become a man on the field and in their lives. Standing firm to defend them against the hopeless criticisms of those who neither care about the kids, or what you are trying to do with them. The constant emotional drain of a daily expression of willingness on your face, when your heart can barely breathe beneath the weight of administrative pressure, parental pressure, and expectations. The strength sapping responsibility to keep your fellow coaches encouraged in their war, despite the fact that you can barely lift your arms yourself for all that is on your "plate." There is no treaty in sight, no end to this war, and there is no relief for those who fight it. There is no immediate reward, but for periodic bright spots of the "IT" boys who alleviate the pressue on you for a little while, only to graduate, leaving you to wonder why you can't have a whole team like them. This is passion's legacy, far greater than the ebb and flow of adversity, and the fleeting joys of momentary victory, it is the faint and often times missed, smile on the face of beaten down young man as he discovers, through your willingness to believe it mattered to show up today, that he can go do what he must, and he knows because of you, that he isn't alone.

That is the privilege of leadership, and the pain, because while that young man may leave that moment smiling that he isn't alone, you are often realizing that the effort you made, and the sacrifice it required, had to be done, alone.

Leadership is simply serving, and honestly, it is not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to leadership, you've been here all along. Maybe, with a little encouragment, we can commit to doing it better. For those of us who desire to lead as men, the question is ever before us, "What are you willing to suffer for those you claim to love today?"

Not sure that is what you were looking for, but just my two cents as always.